A Princess in the Making...

Friday, December 23, 2005

Capturing my mixed feelings..

Got my exam results yesterday.. b, b, c+, c+.. After hearing the shockingly poor results, i calculated my CAP and thought that i've lost my 2nd lower honours to 3rd.. I felt really sad and disappointed with myself.. I was giving tuition then, but my mind was in such a whirl that i didn't know what i was doing.. I smsed simon abt it, but i guess he didn't know what to say to make me feel better except asking if i wanna hit the gym.. Actually, nothing would help. Eventually after tuition, i realised that my CAP still keeps me at 2nd lower.. It may not be gd enough for others, but i'm really glad to keep myself in that position.. Though it was a mistake when i thought i lost my 2nd lower class honours, at least now i know how disappointed i'll be if it was for real.. And, i should really do something to prevent that from happening in my final semester..

I really couldn't comprehend how i could do this badly.. when i felt i knew what i was doing during the exam.. I tried to think of various excuses to make myself feel better.. the painting at home during the exam period was disturbing my revision? i was thinking too much abt the missing hp pouch when i took the paper, since the paper i got c+ for was taken on the day i found my pouch missing? my gastritis during the exams affected my results? etc etc.. But, i was still unable to convince myself with those.. I could only think that i've grown to become stupider over the years.. According to simon's views, i was too complacent. I wasn't sure abt that, but if that was true, i still had myself to blame..

After all the feeling stupid and blaming myself stuff, i still couldn't understand how the c+ could come about.. So, i decided to request for a review of the results.. though i guess the reply would probably be: there wasn't any mistake in the results, since i've never seen anyone who asked for a review and got better grades.. So, what was i doing everything for? Self-consolation, hoping there was indeed a mistake? Anyway, though i wanted to apply for a review, i was too lazy to travel all the way to submit the forms.. So, i was really thankful to have qiqi who agreed to help me print and submit them.. Erm.. being a shy person who fears rejection, i actually contemplated quite awhile before asking qiqi.. hehe.. Thanks qiqi! Your help is greatly appreciated and u made me happier with ur smses.. =)

I can't really describe it, but i guess i can say that i dun feel too good emotionally lately.. PMS then, hiccups here and there at home, with simon, disappointment with myself in diff aspects.. I've always felt that crying it out is a gd way to feel better, till i realised recently that i wouldn't feel any better if i was left alone and no one picked me from the pool of tears.. Perhaps pampering myself with a facial or hairdye or shopping buys would help more? Whenever i feel down, i'll try to think of what JM told me before.. If things are bad now, they can only turn for the better next..

Anyway, i watched The Chronicles of Narnia today.. I loved the movie pretty much since fantasy is my cup of tea, but simon found it draggy and less appealing though. hehe.. Sitting through it must have been a torture for him, but i actually enjoyed the whole process of watching it! =p

I spent an hour writing out the Buddhism scriptures that my devout Mummy brought home from the temple.. It's actually a project undertaken by the Buddhist temples in a few countries to pray for the Avian flu and animal epidemics to be over. My task merely involves writing over the faintly printed characters in black ink.. I think i did quite a good job! =)

*grace* living in fantasy @
12:49 AM