A Princess in the Making...

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Dissatisfaction..

TODAY:
Skipped my morning lecture.. went to the gym.. suffered from terrible menstrual cramps.. had tuition.. felt somewhat pissed off by everything and everyone.. =X

I dun exactly know why, but i'm kind of dissatisfied with myself and my life now..

1) Appearance

I kind of lost the confidence i used to have in my physical appearance.. =(

Firstly, the obvious raised scar (aka keloid) under my left eye bothers me.. I got the scar after my itchy hands went to squeeze the spot many weeks ago.. The fact that many ppl ask and feel sorry abt the new flaw on my face makes me more bothered.. I even bought Cica-Care, a plaster for treating red and raised scars, at $50 from Guardian last fri.. with the hope that the scar will disappear one day.. Will it go away?

Besides, i feel fat.. It's no longer a feeling, but a fact.. cos the weighing machine says i've gained weight.. I think the contributing factor must be MacDonald's which i've been eating too often these days.. The 24h delivery system is not such a gd idea afterall.. When i went shopping with simon on sat and tried on clothes, i was unhappy with my image in the mirror.. I've started my new weight loss plan of visiting the gym 4 times a week and abstaining from fast food.. I wanna go suntanning to get a healthy tan glow too..

2) School

It's only the 2nd week of school, but there are so many things to do.. counselling cases every week, a group project for every module, reports, assignments, presentations, etc.. Lectures either start very early or end very late.. Seems like a busy and not-so-pleasant sch life this semester.. =(

I completed all the assignments given up-to-date last night.. I feel a lil proud of myself..

3) Love

It fluctuates between good and not-so-good.. I have this "i'm unloved and unimportant" feeling overcoming me these days.. He's either too busy or too tired from being busy.. We can't find time to watch a movie i want to watch.. He can fall asleep halfway through our smses, leaving me hanging in the air.. In short, i just feel i'm more in love than he is, based on the treatment i get.. =(

4) Health

Headaches, colds and sneezing bouts, cramps bug me..

Hmm.. this sounds like a depressing blog entry.. yes, my life is in a less-than-happy state.. but i'm not that pathetic lah.. At least i just drank bird's nest that mum prepared.. hehe.. It's good for the complexion!

I just dug out the piece of paper with the fortune teller's prediction.. It really said that i'll be having double happiness this month.. If he's accurate, i wonder what it'll be? Looking forward to it enthusiastically.. ;) I need something to brighten up my life..

*grace* living in fantasy @
11:49 PM